Self Sabotage

This is your disclaimer: This post has a lot of long rambling and deep thoughts. 

 

Loosing weight has been a struggle of mine for YEARS. Pretty much as long as I can remember. I spend way too much time every day contemplating my weight, food choices, lack of exercise, etc. I can't even imagine the productivity that would come out of me if my mind was free. Since having the babies, I have thought a lot about the reason why I am still overweight and haven't done anything about it. Logically, if you are out of milk, you go to the store to buy milk. Yeah, it is inconvenient, you have to change out of sweat pants, it will cost money and gas. However it is something that you do because you have a problem and that is the solution. What I've been contemplating lately is WHY is weight loss so different for me? I know exactly how to lose weight, I have to eat better and exercise. Of course there are many reasons excuses why loosing weight is inconvenient. However, there is still a plan to remedy my current problem. So what is that makes it so easy for me to get stuck in the inconveniences of it and not progress toward my goal? I know the answer:

 

SELF SABOTAGE

 

I have spent a considerable amount of time researching self sabotage. There are many reasons why one would prevent themselves from achieving their own goals. These are the ones that I felt like applied to ME:

 

1. Familiarity of failure. I do not like change. I get very anxious when my grandmother moves the trash can in her kitchen. Why? Because I like consistency and change makes me anxious. I can logically reason that it is just a freaking trash can but that logic doesn't play out when something is changed from my norm. I know how to operate being overweight. I am so worried about failing at losing weight AGAIN that I prefer to stay in the familiarity of being fat.

 

2. Need for control. This goes along with the last one to some extent. The way I look is a direct reflection of how I treat my body. It is MY body and MY choices and I like the control of that. The problem is that right now its "I know I shouldn't have that Reese's but it is MY body and I can control what I do with it." I know how I SHOULD view this. What I should be telling myself is "It is MY body and only I have the power to NOT eat that Reese's" and that should be motivating enough to put down the damn Reese's. I am allowed to be a control freak with my own body. I just have to realize that I am only hurting myself by being controlling of my bad choices instead of being controlling of my own power to make the right choices.

 

3. Need for excitement. I don't consider myself full of drama. Sure, I am a little dramatic I am a woman but it is not something that I thrive off of. I enjoy my job because of how LITTLE drama we have. We work so well together because we work together instead of against each other. Cory and I may have our Sunday together planned. It will be a relaxing day (as relaxing as having 9 month old twin boys can be) and we will eat all of our meals at home. However, if it weren't for his hard as a rock determination, more Sundays than not I would try to go out to eat where I would most certainly overeat all in the name of excitement. 

 

I think it is obvious that I know my weaknesses. Obviously they are easier to identify than they are to overcome or I would be a size 10 by now. Loosing weight is so much more of a mental game for me than it is a physical game. When I weigh myself and I haven't lost any weight in my head I say "well this is obviously not working, I should just eat what I want." On days that I weigh myself and I have lost weight, in my head I say "Hell ya! Two pounds down. I'm getting Chick-fil-a for breakfast today!" Of course, Chick-fil-a for breakfast quickly turns into "Well I am already not going to have a successful day, I will just use this as a cheat day and get right back on it." Either way, when I weigh myself, my immediate thoughts after weighing are self sabotaging.

 

 

As with all problems, there is a solution. The solution may be to suck it up and do what I need to do or it may be to find a compromise between my desires and what it will take to reach my goals.

I have to find a way to keep moving forward and not allow myself to keep ruining all of my progress.

 

 

 In what ways do you sabotage yourself and your goals?

ATLaska

Let me just start by saying this week has been WEIRD!

 

Last weekend was nice. We went on two walks around our neighborhood. It felt good to move although it was also a pretty big wake up call of how out of shape I am. I couldn't believe how SORE I was from WALKING. I have all of these grand dreams of running a 5K and half marathons and then I walk around our slightly hilly (is that a word?) neighborhood and I am DYING!

 

 

This was from walk number 1. I was feeling good about the number of calories I burned. The hubby and I took the babies and although Cory had to slow WAY down so that I could keep up, I pushed myself to go faster than I would have.

 

 

This was walk number 2. I walked the same distance in almost the same amount of time. However, obviously from my total calories burned, I didn't push myself as hard. I think this is partly because I was already sore from the previous walk and partly because I went by myself and wasn't trying to keep up with Mr. Freakishly Long Legs.

 

 

Sunday night we made the Sriracha Shrimp Fried Rice I blogged about it last post. First of all, who knew oil had so many calories?? We used white rice, soy sauce, and a fried rice seasoning packet. The shrimp were Kroger, already cooked, tail on, medium frozen shrimp. I popped the tails off and let them marinade in Sriracha in the fridge for about an hour. We heated them up in a skillet and then added them to the fried rice. IT WAS DELICIOUS!! I am SOO glad we tried this! Although it was a little pricy (calorie wise- 440 calories), it is a new staple for our house FO SHO!

Tuesday we started hearing reports of a Snowmegeddon heading our way. Although we did get some rain Tuesday, the real fun started on Wednesday. The temperatures dropped and we got iced in.

 

I think my hubby was the only person in GA that WANTED to grill out in that mess. I'm pretty thankful for that though because our turkey burgers were ON TIME. Glad that better weather is upon us though so I can get back to walking.

 

Today we are back to the grind. My days are totally messed up but I am glad I only have one more day of work until I can snuggle these cuties.

 

 

 

 

 

Five on Friday

 

1. My babies are 9 months old! So obviously I need to start getting a birthday party together. We have some ideas.

 

2. I'm making this tomorrow and I'm pretty excited about it. I am always disappointed with things that aren't made for me courtesy of Longhorns but we'll see. I'll write a review of it next week.

 

Sriracha Shrimp!

 

3.Truth. We have fallen in love with this stuff this week. So far Mango Strawberry is my favorite!

 

 

 4. I walked this week. It was slow, it was cold, it was short but I could have sat on my butt for 10 minutes or I could have walked a half of a mile. I'm proud of that.

 

 

5. I am looking forward to the weekend. Friday's are fun even when you do work on Saturday.

 

 

Y'all have a fabulous weekend!

 

 

Weekend Update

As a stylist, I knew going into the world of hair that my weekends wouldn't be the typical Saturday and Sunday. My weekends are Sunday and Monday. I love that I don't have the usual resentment most people feel about Mondays. Saturdays are different. While I am working away, I get so jealous of the posts on my newsfeed of people out enjoying their families, shopping, etc. I accepted that I would be dealing with that 8 years ago when I started cosmetology school. For the most part I really enjoy my weekends. I'm sure as the boys get older and are involved in activities that take place on Saturdays I will feel differently but for now I like to relax while everyone else is stressing about Mondays.

So Monday, Cory and I were both off work and totally NOT feeling the whole "eating good" thing. So we loaded up the boys and went to Cracker Barrel where we ate our weight in country fried everything. It was amazing. Lunch was a "snack" of McDonalds and dinner was Chick-fil-A complete with a cookies and cream milkshake. By bedtime, I felt like I had been hit by a truck. I felt terrible. It's amazing how quickly your body gets used to "real food". So even though there are days that I crave to eat every fast food place out of business, I love the feeling that I got last night. That feeling that I can't wait to eat my salad and stay UNDER my calories.  Although I still haven't exercised, mentally I am feeling pretty good with where my motivation is. Today I am feeling patient.

Sick

So this week has been exhausting. The nasty cold has invaded my household. The babies are sick, they got us sick, and now we are all miserable. The funny thing about babies being sick is that they NEED sleep but they don't WANT to sleep. Therefore, although mommy and daddy need sleep they don't get any sleep.

 

They may not feel good but they sure are still cute.

 

Going home right now is a lot of work. From the moment I walk through the door till I lay down in bed I am going non stop. This is always the case even when the babies are not sick. Come home, watch boys till Cory gets home, cook dinner, bath time, bed time for the boys, dishes, and bed. When the babies are sick, all of those things still have to be done. The difference is that they are fussy and require a lot more attention and holding. My mom has been our saving grace this week. She has stayed with me until Cory gets home and introduced us all to essential oils which have helped a lot.

 

Needless to say, my goal of exercising three times this week has not happened. Although I have been  sticking to my calories for the most part, I am not able to put much brain power into what I am eating. Which I guess is ok as long as I am sticking to my calories.  Such is the life of a mom I am learning.

 

 



Who are you???

My name is Krystal. I am 25 years old. Wife to a wonderful husband, Cory. Mommy to 8 1/2 month old twin boys, Matthew and Malcolm. I work in the hair industry with a group of women that I absolutely adore. I am blessed beyond words to have the family that I have and the people in my life that make everyday worth living.

My hubby!

Matthew on the left, Malcolm on the right

(Yes we make beautiful babies, no I am not humble about this at all)

I am also very overweight. Like REALLY overweight.

 I would like to think that this is something that I don't allow to define me but it does. I have struggled with my weight for pretty much as long as I can remember. Up until the last year or so I have always viewed my issues with my weight as personal issues. Now that my two precious little men have stormed into my life, that has changed. I want to be healthy for them. I want to pick their beautiful, chunky butts up and not have to put them down because I am too out of shape to hold them for long. I want to live to see them graduate, to see them get married, to meet my grandchildren, and hopefully one day my great grandchildren.

My list of reasons why I want/ NEED to loose weight goes on and on. However, up until this point in my life, my list of why I can't/won't/don't freaking want to is obviously longer than my list of reasons and desires to JUST DO IT!

Loosing weight for me is not an option for myself anymore. I don't desire to be a size four. I desire to better myself for my family and the benefits that come along with that will only encourage me to keep going until I get to where I am HEALTHY.

SO here is the plan:
I am using My Fitness Pal to count calories. I am not happy with the amount of calories I am given when I am honest about my activity level. There is a reason I am the size that I am. I LOVE FOOD! So to eat (within reason) what I want I am exercising several days a week. No exercise, no extra calories. This is going to be a very long journey, if I'm being honest it already has been. I love the feature on MFP that allows your friends to see what you have eaten. That accountability has prevented me from many Snickers. Like every damn day. The purpose of this blog is to up that accountability. Even if no one ever reads it. I am putting my plan on the internet. And they can't put anything on the internet that's not true. (haha) But seriously....

So welcome to my journey. If anyone is even out there. Hello? (*echo echo echo*)

1st goal: Exercise 3 X/ week